


it's like an episode of friends only with more robots

by zerotransfat



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Dad Soldier: 76, F/F, GOD AO3 HAS A DEDICATED DAD76 TAG, M/M, Relationship Reveal, ana just wants her babies to be safe, for y'all sinners from the mchanzo discord, hanzo wishes to both die and strangle his bf, local cowboy straight up dies, use protection kids, you know who you are
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-16
Updated: 2016-07-16
Packaged: 2018-07-24 08:08:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 925
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7500642
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zerotransfat/pseuds/zerotransfat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's a bright and early morning in Gibraltar when McCree completely messes up the relationship on the down low thing. Also includes a Dad™, Ana making sure her kids are safe, and sudden warm and fuzzy feelings Hanzo suffers from.</p>
            </blockquote>





	it's like an episode of friends only with more robots

**Author's Note:**

  * For [The Mchanzo Discord Full of Sinners](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=The+Mchanzo+Discord+Full+of+Sinners).



> Dedicated to y'all fucking sinners on the mchanzo discord -- huckleberry is here to dispense fluff!

It happened one bright and early morning in Gibraltar.

 

The day dawned nice and sunny over the base, and all around the place agents were waking up and starting to get ready for their missions. The kitchen and attached large dining room was starting to crowd up; Soldier was frying eggs and bacon while shoving his food insistently at people who told him to buzz off; Hana was trying to refuse a plate just as Hanzo entered the kitchen. He nodded a good morning at Soldier, who nodded back and continued his crusade to get Hana to eat her breakfast as Hanzo prepared his own breakfast.

“No, I don’t want food, all I want is a big mug of coffee and you can’t stop me! I’ve been livestreaming since 4 AM and no one, not even you can get in my way! I—I play to—!” The Korean gamer’s catchphrase was interrupted by a truly impressive yawn.

“You’re not getting the coffee until you’ve had some food on that plate. Stuff’s not good for you on an empty stomach. That goes for all of you too,” Soldier said pointedly at some of the others sitting around the table and already nursing mugs of coffee. Torbjörn raised his mug in a mock toast as Reinhardt laughed. 

“You can try, Jackie boy, you can try…..” The bearded man only smirked harder at the other man’s glare. “Ha! Back in my day, we engineering majors drank the blackest brews in the morning! One time we had to hand in a paper in three days and you would not believe how much caffeine we went through.”

“Love, give it up. I’m having tea anyway.” Tracer said, eating her sausages. “Let Hana be and just eat your own.”

Hanzo steered himself away from the growing friendly bickering and settled down at his own spot. Winston came in and went straight to the cabinet where he stashed a morbid amount of peanut butter. Mercy followed close behind, giving him a warm smile as she grabbed some pastries. Pharah came into the kitchen with Ana close behind her, a bit red in the face. 

“Yes, we use protection! Why are you even talking to me about my lo—” She abruptly clammed up and grabbed some food from a sympathetic Soldier and started cramming her mouth with it, looking like she has resolved to never talk to her mother again. Ana only laughed at her daughter and Mercy’s tomato-red face.

Zenyatta drifted into the room with Genji never far behind him. They took up seats and chatted with the others, since they didn’t eat anyway.

Lastly, McCree walked in. He had his stupid hat on with a horrendous plaid shirt and an equally stupid grin on his face. The cowboy stole more of Soldier’s food as the older man glared at him, eating the bacon and draining his coffee mug.

“Mornin’. Symmetra’s still bangin’ away in her lab, so she’s not gonna come down; same with Lúcio and Mei. Zarya roared at me, so I guess it’s just us.”

Hanzo nodded in acknowledgement and continued eating, letting the morning conversation wash over him. The morning sun streamed through the windows, giving everything a warm glow, McCree sitting next to him. They ate together, comparatively quiet in the noisy room.

“Well, I figure it’s about time I headed off. I’ve got a mission at nine.” McCree said as he finished off his eggs. See you later darlin’.” The man smiled and leaned in, giving him a chaste kiss.

Hanzo has never been happier than in this moment, warm, happy, with this impossible man and his friends and family—

—wait.

His friends and family. Who were suddenly very quiet.

Oh.

 

Oh _no._

 

McCree pulled away, and Hanzo could see the dawning horror in his eyes—he knew he had fucked up spectacularly. He could feel his own face staring back in disbelief. 

“Uh,” said the cowboy, and the urge to strangle him started to rise in Hanzo because he just _knew_ that the man was going to do something impossibly stupid. “Okay, I’m off! Lena! Good to see you!” Taking advantage of the woman’s gaping expression, McCree kissed her as well.

“And Angela! Beautiful as ever!” Hanzo watched in growing horror and embarrassment as McCree planted one on the doctor’s lips as well. “And Fareeha! I see you’ve been doing wonderfully!” The last nail in the coffin.

Hanzo wanted to die. He wanted to die right here, for Genji to shove his katana right between his ribs and kill him instantly (if he had any shred of brotherly love Genji would end his misery if asked, screw living for a greater purpose). McCree only laughed nervously as he edged toward the kitchen door.

“So, good to see you all again, and I’m going to prepareforthemissionnow _SO LONG!_ ”

The bastard then fled out the door, leaving everyone to stare after him. Hanzo buried his face in his hands.

Around him, pandemonium erupted.

_“Oh my god what was THAT?”_

“Why?! Why?! When did this happen??”

“That boy, honestly. Have you been using protection, Hanzo dear?”

“ماما, stop!”

“Gotta put this up, my subscribers will _love it—“_

“As long as you don’t disrupt operations you’ll be fine.”

Groaning into his hands, Hanzo resolved to find his bow and unleash his dragons on the cowboy, no mercy (pun not intended—in both senses of the word.)

But feeling the warmth on his lips, listening to the good-natured ribbing and the sound of Genji’s laughter, Hanzo couldn’t have been happier.

**Author's Note:**

> based on [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qudoy5L62g4)
> 
> you can't tell me mccree wouldn't try to backpedal and fail horribly
> 
> also can you tell that dad76 and grandmom ana is my weakness
> 
> I'm [here](https://copperpatina.tumblr.com) on tumblr!


End file.
